I miss you so much

Hi Vicky,

its 12:44am on a fine Sunday. So much has changed. I feel like I’m stepping into the life you envisioned for me. I made it to Canada and I cannot stop thinking about how proud you’d be. I can’t stop thinking of your words of motivation and affirmation to me.

i got a new phone and lost our chats. I cried so much. I hated how I lost your rants to me about the new school as well as teenagers and some of their childish behaviors. I still go through your university essay that we were editing 2 days before you passed away. It breaks my heart. You’re so so brilliant Victoria. You could have the whole world at your feet. I really really wanted to see you shine and achieve the happiness we all so desperately wanted.

I think your passing this year has fundamentally changed me. I’ll never get over it. You’re my best friend, cheerleader, teammate and study buddy all at once. You were also my friend in faith. It’s so hard to lose someone like that. Gosh my mum loved you. She was glad I could have someone so mature and focused in my life. 
tl

my whole post now is so disorganized but I’m sobbing because I miss you and life is hard and I wanted to do it with you. Now we’d have been on a call discussing what next and how to maximize our opportunities. My body is shaking with emotions. I think the grief I tried to control because of exams is finally catching up with me. And with that the realization that the next milestones in life will not be together. I wanted to be a bridesmaid and you mine. I wanted to take you out on my first paycheck. I can’t believe we didn’t get to sip on wine together. I’ll never get to see you become a mum with how nurturing you were in my life.

it kills me that life is going on without you. I miss you

• Tribute By: Ivy Madara